


Is It Polite to Leave the Party Early?

by Xerphena



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alcohol, Elias is a terrible human being and finds it fun to torture people through terrible jokes, I have been to so many staff Christmas parties, Jon is a terrible clothing thief, M/M, The archival staff are all friends, and they are all boring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:21:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21950632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xerphena/pseuds/Xerphena
Summary: Sasha and Tim experience a boring Christmas party. Martin is late due to a clothing malfunction. Elias likes Christmas puns. Yes, these are all related.This piece was written as a gift for archivizt.tumblr.com for the 2019 Magnus Archives Gift Exchange (https://tma-secret-snickerdoodle.tumblr.com/).
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 4
Kudos: 92





	Is It Polite to Leave the Party Early?

Sasha and Tim were having an okay time at the Institute’s Christmas party. That is not to say they were having a great time (they weren't), nor was it to say they were having a terrible time (they weren't). The party could be described as: bland, stodgy, mundane, or even tedious. Unless, of course, you were the sort to enjoy the kind of party which consisted of rather poorly seasoned horderves, meaningless small talk which, at its most exciting, pertained to one of the researcher's—Maureen—son's graduation, and Elias' poor attempts at jokes. Sasha, at the present moment, was laughing at one of Elias' jokes. Sasha had long since learned to laugh at jokes which weren't funny; a category to which Elias' joke certainly applied.

She looked to her left and saw Tim attempting to get her attention. He had just managed to shake off Maureen and was keen to avoid conversations of that ilk in the near future. He was also aware that in order to do so, he needed to go somewhere that no one else wanted to go. Once Sasha noticed his rather obnoxious attempts to get her attention, he pointed towards the above mentioned location that no one wanted to go: the archives. She nodded imperceptibly and did her best to shake off Elias.

"Oh look! There's Tim! I've got to tell him— something. If you will excuse me, Elias." Sasha said with a smile that both felt and looked to big to be genuine.

Elias raised an eyebrow and Sasha got the distinct impression that he knew she was lying. "Of course. Remember tonight is for fun and not work, Ms. James."

"Mmhmm yep. I know. One-hundred percent. Catch you later, Elias." She said and dashed away towards Tim.

As Sasha stopped beside Tim, he handed her a shrimp—pre-dipped—she ate it gratefully. "Looked like you were suffering. So, I thought I'd save you from the boss. You can thank me now." Tim said.

"God he was telling rather awful jokes. Not offensive or anything just—bad."

"What caliber? Boss jokes? Dad jokes? Comedian who can't afford rent?"

"Christmas puns. He said he finds wordplay 'fun'. I think he just knows I hate them and likes to see me suffer." Sasha muttered the latter half of the statement. Tim heard anyway and laughed.

“What was the pun?” he asked.

Sasha rolled her eyes. “Hey Tim, aren’t these decorations Tree-mendous?”

Tim pulled a disgusted face. “That’s awful.”

Sasha smiled tightly. “I’m aware.”

“God awful.”

“Yep.”

"Well. Why don't we run away. To the archives!"

Sasha and Tim quickly, but discreetly, exited the party space and descended into the archives. Their discretion was for two reasons: one, despite how dull the party was it is rude to leave, and two, the last thing either of them wanted was for someone—Elias—to see them and follow.

"Is it sad that I would rather be in worm city rather than upstairs?" Tim asked as they found a couple of comfy boxes to settle on.

“Kind of,” Sasha snickered. "But I'll take the worms, thank you very much."

"Well. At any rate, we have escaped. We could do anything we can think of. Now, I have an idea."

"Oh yeah?" Sasha looked toward Tim who began unbuttoning his blazer. "Uh… no Tim that's not something I—" she cuts herself off as Tim pulls out a bottle of rosé and buttons his blazer back up. "Were you hiding that all night?"

"Elias has a taste for expensive wine. I wasn't about to share with the boss. Did you taste the stuff they had up there?" Tim said with a grimace.

"Grape juice."

" _Grape juice_." Tim uncorked the wine and took a chug straight from the bottle. He then passed it to Sasha.

"Jon would hate that we're doing this." Sasha laughed.

Tim laughed alongside her. "Of course he would. He could probably cite a statement where someone got, I don't know, supernatural germs from shared saliva."

"I doubt that exists."

"Then he'd make it up," Tim countered. "Where is he anyways?"

Sasha shrugged. "He said he was coming in with Martin I think."

"Weird of them to be late."

\----0----

Martin, when compared to the rest of his colleagues, was the most likely to enjoy the Christmas party. He did well with rather dull professional events. He liked to know what was going on with his coworkers and frequently checked in with them to find out about their lives. Martin was just like that.

Martin wanted to be at the party an hour ago. He even would have been content with arriving half an hour ago, but that was not destined to happen. Martin readjusted his towel and glared at Jon.

Jon did not want to go to the party. He did not care for the minor details of what was happening in the lives of his coworkers, and even if he did, he certainly wouldn’t be one to learn these facts at a staff holiday party. He would read their staff file like the adult he is. That is not to say, of course, that his current actions are solely due to desire to delay their departure to the party. He has other motivations, of course, one chief motivation being to see Martin without clothing.

Jon smirked as Martin glared at him without any real heat. “Jon.”

“Martin.”

Martin sighed. “Jon, why are you wearing my pants?”

Jon’s smirk grew. “I don’t know Martin. Why don’t you research the reason?”

”Jon, please. Under any normal circumstances I would love to do… whatever this is, but we should really go to the party.”

“Martin!” Jon said, aghast. “And you want me to take off my pants? Do you want me to go to the party without trousers? I doubt that Elias would appreciate the lack of professionalism.”

Martin throws his hands up. “I don’t want you to not wear any pants Jon. I just want you to not wear my pants—and is that my sweater? Jon! I set those out for the party tonight.”

Jon just rose an eyebrow at Martin. “And they will go to party. With you even. Just on my body.”

Martin puts his hands together in a mockery of prayer. “Please Jon. They need to go on me.”

“Why?” Jon asked smugly.

“Jon. Please give them back. We should’ve been there at least an hour ago.” Martin would deny to Jon to the day he died that the end of the sentence was even resembling a whine.

“I am not preventing you from getting ready to go to the party. Get dressed.” Jon moves closer to Martin and places a hand on his shoulder.

Martin gave Jon an exasperated look. “Those were my last nice pants, Jon. Please take them off. They—they don’t even fit you, Jon!”

Jon laughed and kissed Martin with a soft press of lips. Martin kissed back despite his frustration. “Are you sure we should not just stay here? You always say that I am working too much.”

Martin backed away from Jon. “You promised everyone you’d be there. Imagine how disappointed Tim will be.”

Jon rolled his eyes and began to pull of Martin’s pants.

\----0----

“Boss! You finally made it! We thought you were never going to show up?” Tim called as Jon and Martin walked into the archives. Jon hung up his coat and took Martin’s from him to hang it up as well. Tim noticed that Martin was slightly reluctant to hand over the coat.

“Come join us. We have wine.” Sasha called out as she waved to the arriving pair.

“Where are the wine glasses?” Jon asked as he opens the door to his office to retrieve his chair. Tim and Sasha shared a look which he missed.

“Uh—we asked Elias to bring a couple down,” Tim stammered out.

“Yep. Hope he hasn’t forgotten.” Sasha added. Jon pulled out a chair from his office and placed it beside where the others sat. Martin scooted closer in a way he hoped wasn’t noticeable (he failed).

Sasha and Tim’s banter was silenced as they hear footsteps on the stairs. Elias entered the room. “Ah Jon, Martin. Good to see you’ve arrived. Are you not going to go upstairs? Maureen has some wonderful news about her son to share.”

Jon did his best to grimace discreetly. “Ah, yes. I will come up in a bit. Just going to spend some time with my team before mingling with the rest of the staff.”

Elias smiled. “Of course. Be sure to come up soon though, the party will be wrapping up soon. You and Martin are quite late.” Martin blushed fiercely and mumbled about a wardrobe malfunction. “Ah yes. I almost forgot.” Elias handed over four wine glasses he’d been holding. “I noticed Tim bringing down a lovely bottle of rosé earlier, and figured that you all would would prefer glasses.” Tim looked to Sasha with fear in his eyes. Sasha mouths, _how did he know?_ Tim shrugs.

“Thanks, Elias.” Sasha said simply and took the glasses from Elias.

Elias smirked in a way that Sasha could not tell was kind or not. “Don’t you mean: thank you _snow_ much, Ms. James?” Sasha had to employ all of her considerable social skills to not scream.

After Elias left the room, she turned to the others. “Should we feel bad for not inviting him?”

“No.” “Maybe?” Jon and Martin answer at the same time.

Tim merely shook his head and poured four glasses of wine. “Let’s just get pissed instead of worrying about Elias.”

Sasha lifted both of her eyebrows at Tim. “Pissed? On one bottle of wine?”

Tim glanced at the glass in his hand. “Good point.”

“There’s a pub just down the way.” Martin offered.

Tim perked up. “Think we can sneak out without Elias noticing?”

Jon snorted derisively. “No. I think the question should be: do we care if Elias notices?”

“And the answer is: no we don’t! Come on, let’s go to the pub. I need to be much drunker than I am right now.” Tim grabs his coat and pulls it on. “By the way, Martin, what was this about a wardrobe malfunction?”

Martin’s blush returns with a vengeance as Jon hands him his coat, which he takes forcefully, and the group began the task of sneaking out of the archives.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that you enjoy the fic! Your prompts were a joy to work with, and I had a lot of fun developing the voice.


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